I was recently catching up with a friend of mine that lives in DFW. (Texas, that is. The state that can honestly say it is hotter than the asshole of a dying star.) She is happily single, fosters pugs, and absolutely cracks me up. (She also threatens to punch me in the taco if I don’t update my blog often enough, but I digress...) She has a particular tidbit of wisdom that inspires me: “I don’t like dating men. It cuts into my grooming time.”
Because really. Dating sucks and will quickly degrade any normal person’s dignity.
As we were catching up, we were discussing dating and I explained to her that I haven’t had much luck in like, forever. Here is the newest little tidbit of wisdom from this wise, wise woman:
“Single men are stupid, fickle, and stupid.
you just need to find an older, married man. They are 1) unhappy in
their marriage 2) VERY excited to get any attention, especially that of a
younger woman 3) always buying you pretty things from Victoria’s Secret
4) most interested in giving you pleasure in bed so you allow them to
come back 5) absent most of the time.
They are perfect.”
The moment my morals take a back seat to my desolate love life, I am finding myself an older, married man.